Lack of Humility Causing Rifts in the Transgender Community

Opinions. We all have them, and regardless of what you're talking about someone, somewhere thinks your opinion sucks. You likely think that someone else's opinion sucks. I'm about to give you my opinion and some of you are going to think it sucks. It's just a fact of life. There are always going to be a differences of opinion. 

I'd like to examine some, *ahem*, problems I see within the transgender community. Again, some of you will agree. Some of you will politely disagree. And the rest of you will act like trolls, call this article a trash fire, and post an unceasing amount of expletive ridden rants of why you think I'm stupid. So be it. These topics are going to sting. Why? Because some of us are guilty of these habits. Because many of us are very guilty of these blatant displays of a lack of humility. So here we go.

1. Stop pointing fingers as to who you think is trans and who isn't.

I don't really care what label you use. Transwoman, Intersex, Non-Binary, Trans Masculine etc. You shouldn't care about others gender label identifier either. Sure, a non-binary person may have chosen to not undergo surgery or go through hormone therapy. A cross-dresser may only dress up on an occasional or even anonymous basis. Here is the thing, the majority of us have had to deal with suppression of our gender identity. We've all felt those scared feelings before coming out. We've all been persecuted or dealt with hardship as a result of others....wait for it...OPINIONS about our gender identity. Every single day I go on social media and see a transgender person posting about how they were mis-gendered by a store clerk, a family member or coworker. Usually followed up with how that makes them feel. I also see other trans folk discussing their feelings in moments when they are treated in dignified ways by the same sorts of people in their lives. Then I see some of these same people commenting on others posts on how "You're not trans because....insert dumb reason here!"

How dare you. You know how it feels. It stings. You feel disenfranchised when people demean you and mis-gender you. You know the pain when someone refuses to address you with dignity. How do you think it feels when someone is being treated in that manner by their own community? The petty snobbery exists at every level in our community. This clique believes you're not a transwoman because you haven't had your tits done. Or you're not on hormones. Or you only dress up half the time. Let me pose the problem with this question. How can we expect cisgender people to respect, acknowledge and celebrate our gender identity, when many of us disrespect, shame, and throw mud at each other? Do you understand how hypocritical we are? Screaming and shouting about how we should be treated fairly while simultaneously treating each other like crap. We insist that no one can tell us how we should be identified and turn around and tell someone else what they are. If you are a trans person and you partake in this horrid practice then you are just as awful as the jerk who mis-gendered you that one time at Wal-Mart.



2. Stop using a persons opinions, life choices, mistakes, etc to invalidate someone else's gender identity.

So this one is similar to the first issue. But this has to do with when a trans public figure makes a questionable choice in a variety of areas. A good example is Chelsea Manning or Caitlyn Jenner. Chelsea did a thing. And what she did is viewed in contention. Some people praise it. Some people scorn it. And then there is a group of you who decide that because what she did is something you consider awful she's #stillnottrans. What a god awful hash tag. Caitlyn made a mistake in who she supported politically. She even admits it. She also supports the trans community financially on a very regular basis and does a lot to help the community. But her admission that she made a mistake and incessant community giving isn't enough for some of you. Many of you still dead name her. I can't make it any clearer but to say YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO DETERMINE WHO IS AND WHO ISN'T TRANS!

3. Stop freaking out and acting like a degenerate heathen in public when you're harassed.

Look, as I've discussed before, we all know how it feels to be dead named, misgendered, harassed, and disrespected in public. It sucks, stings and often it lights our fuse and we go off like a bomb. I've done this before and I'm not proud of those actions. First thing we have to realize is that sometimes it's gonna happen. It shouldn't happen, but as a result of other people's....Opinions.... it will happen. The next thing we have to admit is that flying off the handle solves nothing. It only makes things worse and in many ways. Say you encounter a person in a store who gets in your face with religious hullabaloo or politically motivated trans-bashing. They misgender and harass you and it's just awful. I've encountered this. It can raise the temperature on your temper really quick. You're going to want to react and I can almost promise that you will. But how is up to you. It will be tempting for some of you to yell and scream back. We've all seen the Game Stop video. She was right to be angry, but she handled it the wrong way. Now in some cases you may be able to use the situation as a teachable moment for the individual. As long as you can remain calm, placing them in your shoes or just having a comment that will make them think ready for just such situation, is a piece of cake. You could also use their logic(or lack thereof) against them. But if you react in a way that is way out of control it could possibly get you arrested, physically attacked, or paint the community as a whole in a bad light. Think of it in the perspective of the harasser. To them, all they did was inform you of their world view and in response you yelled and screamed like a lunatic. Now you made them think all of us are out of control bitches.

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. In order to progress to a more equal cultural environment for us we have to change hearts and minds. We're not going to do that by acting like heathens. I know there are those out there whose minds simply will not change, and many of them have awful opinions of us. But we can't stoop to their level of behavior, that gets us nowhere.

4. Be more gracious and grateful when someone at least tries to support you, even if they got some things wrong.

I recently posted this image on Facebook.



Someone got upset because Edith misgendered the transwoman. Another got upset because "transgenderism" is a word commonly used to invalidate us. While I understand both points, there are other things to be considered when looking at this meme.

The first thing to consider concerns the episode being referred to. It aired in 1977. That's 19-frickin-77. A day and age when the MOST offensive word used to disparage a transwomen was calling them a Nancy! Did the writers, directors, producers, and actors of the show misgendered the character. Yes. They did. But it was 1977. A time where even less cisgender people were aware of, never mind comfortable with, transgender people in public spaces. All in the Family was THE MOST POPULAR television show of it's day. And with 2 episodes risked its reputation to tell its audience that transgender people should be treated just like everyone else. That we also have the right to be happy and safe in our existence. Fucking noble. Were mistakes made, sure. But the heart was in the right place.

The second thing to consider is whoever created the image used the word "Transgenderism". Sure. There are some inherent problems with that word in terms of breaking it down to it's roots to discern its most accurate definition. But, the goal, of the image is to.... Oh read point 1 again. Maybe whoever made it didn't know how to put it, or isn't as educated enough about the vernacular of the trans community, or even simply failed all their root word quizzes in school. Whatever the case, at least they are TRYING to help. And all anyone in the trans community can do at the sight of this image is snobbishly turn up their noses as if they've never made a grammatical, spelling, or word usage error in their life. Grow up. Learn some humility. Remove the stick that is wedged ever so firmly up your ass, sniff it, place it back gently and convince me your shit doesn't stink.


In closing, we need to act with more humility as a community. We have an amazing opportunity to show others what loving thy neighbor is supposed to be about. And I believe we have been squandering it with petty behavior and hypocritical clique-like practices within the ranks.What are some problems you see in our community as to how we interact with each other and how we interact with the public?