Kristelle's Story: Pubescence of a Closeted Teenage Transgirl

Puberty is a strange time for... pretty much everyone. Your body starts doing weird things, your emotions are all over the place, social anxieties arise among peers, and on top of all that... figuring out what dating is supposed to be about. Life as a teenager can be difficult, but even more so for a kid who is transgender.

Puberty for myself was particularly stressful. Again, I had all the typical stressors that coincide with puberty. Plus I had these... feelings I thought I couldn't tell anyone about. But also life at home was still tough.

My first class in family life (sex Ed.) happened in fifth grade. They gathered all the students from two classrooms, shoved them in one room and had a light discussion involving the differences between boys and girls.

Learning about some of the changes I'd go through was kinda exciting. I apparently had periods (whatever those were) to look forward to, boobs to grow...and uh what's this now about babies?

It was when those things started happening for the other girls and not me that the confusion really set in. Here I was, a fifth grade boy as far as anyone could tell, having a "Are you there God? It's me Margaret." kind of moment. I still didn't get it.  I mean I had a slight grasp of the differences, but I was lost as to why I was so different. "What was wrong with me?"

At home, things were tense. My parents had a kid in therapy that wouldn't stop trying to wear girls clothes, and they argued a lot about all kinds of things. And I won't point any fingers, but there was some infidelity going on. Eventually​, they realized it would be best to separate. It helped but they still argued a lot. About me, about money... All kinds of things.

The whole situation stressed my mom out. Here she was, basically a single mother with two kids, with bills she would sometimes struggled to pay. I'm positive there were times she had to make some tough choices. I was starting puberty with my sister not far behind me and I know we plucked her nerves here and there.

She came down on us pretty hard. Rules became more strict, freedoms would slowly get taken away, and more chores were added on. Meanwhile we were shoved between two households every other weekend. It was a tough time for everyone.

In the summer between fifth and sixth grade, my mother tried and tried to get us to clean our rooms. But we neglected the chore, so one day she took some plastic bags and cleaned our rooms for us. Yeah, that thing that parents sometimes say they'll do...she did it. All our toys, cool stuff, clothes...all of it tossed out.  Of course, I managed to hide away a few of my favorite toys but eventually they were all found and thrown out.

This left my sister and I a lot of time with very little to do. My sister took it as a chance to read more, but I just used it to play dress up when I could. So, thanks Mom for the spare time.

In sixth grade my parents officially filed for divorce. My mom and I were fighting like cats and dogs, I was doing poorly in school, plus I was still getting caught with clothes. It was a pretty stressful time. Little did I know that on top of all that, something big was about to blow my mind.